The famous Chinese Guy

When I came to the United States I already spoke English. But even so, there some things that were knew to me. My sponsors me ajudaram muito besides providing a place for me to live until I was established with my wife and kids at an apartment offered by the school where I went to study. This incident is about something important I learned from them about a Chinese guy.

I did not have a car at the beginning and walked a lot (and was skinny obviously.) Well, I started to notice many differences between the streets in Brazil and those of the United Stated, but one thing in special caught my attention all the time and I could not find any logic explanation for that. I would think and think and could not find anything from what I learned in the past that could explain the phenomenon. When I could not take it anymore, I went to my sponsors and with great curiosity asked them why they had on their streets the name of this Chinese guy in places that had nothing to do with China. Where I lived there was no Chinatown and such. And it was not just there that I could see that name. It was in Salt Lake City, everywhere! Maybe he was some famous Chinese guy from times past, when they built the railroad. The lines from East and West met in Promontory Utah. Maybe it had to do with that. But why only in some places and not others? At last I took the courage to ask, took a big breath and went on. I could not take it anymore!

- Can you tell me why you have the name of this Chinese guy in signs around town? - I asked innocently.
- What Chinse guy? We don't even have a Chinatown here! - they answered
- I remember the name, wait, it's Ped Ximg (pronounced as a Brazilian would do: Pehd Ching) - I repplied.
- Ped Xing (they pronounced it like I did to try and understand what I was trying to say)? We don't know any Ped Xing! - they explained
- But I see the yellow signs with this name all the time! - I insisted with conviction.
- How do you spell it? - they asked now very curious about it.
- PED XING - I wrote in capital big letters on a piece of paper.

They laughed at that and immediately explained:

- It is not the name of a Chinese guy! It is the acronym for PEDESTRIAN CROSSING! Here use the letter X for acronyms like XMAS as in Christmas, or XING as in Crossing. So, PED is for Pedestrian and XING is for crossing!

Silly me! That made perfect sense except one was Cross the other was Christ but that is OK... they have something to do with each other right? I am not sure that in some places in China they could make that relation though. If I ever go to a mission with my wife to China I may have to tell this story and then start talking about the gospel. I think it would be a great introduction. What do you think?

Everything was so fascinating back then! Who would ever think of using an X that way? Now I look at the street signs with fondness missing those days when I was learning new things of the English language (sigh).

A Monkey bit me!!!! Brother Bueno bit me!!!

When I was little one of my nicknames was "Perigoso" ("Dangerous" in Portuguese)... I don't know why (hehe.) Well, my brother should know better. One day he took me to one of his business trips and took me to a little zoo in some little town in São Paulo, Brazil. I don't know where he went but I was alone at one point in front of the monkey cage. There were a momma monkey with her babies and there I was with candy in my hands. The candy I am talking about is called "Dadinho" (little dice) and it was made of peanuts and wrapped in the fashion you see of a picture of a Dadinho. They still make that candy and wrap it the same way but I think I was about 12 years old or something back when (we are talking mid 60's.)

So, I thought I would give candy to the monkey. I threw one, wrapped of course, and she grabbed it and carefully unwrapped the candy and shared with the baby monkeys. I thought it was sooo cool! So, I threw another one but this one fell between the bars, inside enough that I could not reach it very well to retrieve it and try to throw it again. So, I stretched my arm as far as I could and stick my middle finger between the bars and was actually able to touch the candy but out of nowhere I saw this monkey head on top of my finger. She bit me!!! And she would not let go!!!! She was biting me so hard that I could not even feel the pain. I thought she was going to take the tip of my finger off.

So there I was, unsupervised, no one near, trying to convince the monkey to let go my finger. The only tactic was to start pulling my hand as hard as I could and in the process hitting her head against the bars... hehehe... it was one of those Eduardo Bueno moments that unfortunately could not be filmed. She finally let go and as I said, I could not feel my finger. It was numb but I did hold the tip of the finger down and ran to my brother. I had to take some shots but to this day I am not sure who contaminated whom.

The next event which I decided to put here is related, I guess, because years later, when I am already married and a Sunday School teacher, one of the teenagers in my class stole the only chalk I had. His name was Don. He used to sit in the back, and he would not give it back to me. So, in a Christlike way, I went on with the lesson and when they were snoozing enough I gave a very long verse of the Bible to one of the girls to read.

As she was reading and they were in teenage trance, I went to the back and very nicely asked him to give me back my chalk. He refused!!!! So, my monkey instincts took over and I wrestled him to the ground, making the chair fly and the class wake up, and as he was down there subdued by this 40 something now not as nice Sunday School teacher, I demanded he gave me the chalk.

He refused and I did what any normal person who was been bitten by a monkey would: I bit him very hard in the hand and he let go the chalk.

The class was in an uproar with the scene! He was there holding his hand saying "He bit me! He bit me!" I wonder if he was telling the class or trying to tell himself what just happened because he could not believe Brother Bueno would actually bit him to get the chalk... hahahah. He was in "chalk"!

I was able to continue the class in peace after that (well, the adrenaline rush was good to wake everyone up actually.) I was true to my nickname "Perigoso" after all and they learned to respect me.

Actually, they loved me so much after then. I think I became their favorite Sunday School teacher and as for Don, I see him in church to this day and I ask him how his hand is doing and he is just fine. Unlike Spider Man, Monkey Man here was bitten, got his powers and responsibilities, but never really mastered jumping from building to building yet. Biting is OK, but I never bite anyone as a software trainer. People are so sensitive nowadays! Do you think if I bit someone they would sue me today? I think they would. I better stick to my Monkey business and refrain from biting... hehe. That is my adventure with bites.

Who's afraid of Eduardo Bueno?

My wife and I were in Portland, Maine, back in August 2006, visiting different landmarks during one of my business trips. One night we went to get some money at an ATM machine and it was a dark place, there was a construction going on. The machine was behind a building and as my wife was trying to get some money I thought of scaring her because it is fun to scare her...

I walked around the corner and the building had some inlets where a person would fit perfectly and would be able to hide. I told her that it was a dangerous place and someone could rob us or something. So I hid there and waited for her to show up. She took a long time in that machine, I am not sure what was going on, but by the time she passed by I had forgotten why I was there, lost in my own thoughts, and I GOT SCARED! I went Ahhh and Boooohhh very fast but I could not fool her.

She did not know what to say because it was very silly. She asked me nicely "I scared you, didn't I?" and I had to admit. It was a typical scene of some TV episode and we laughed at that. Now my kids say it was a Mr. Bean thing... to try to scare someone and end up being scared. Oh well, that was just another adventure of Eduardo Bueno (being dumb!)